|
|
boyfriend wants to have sex with his girlfriend,but ashamed of his small organ...decided to bring girlfriend in dark place,open his ziper and put penis in GF's hand...GF:no thanks ,i don't smoke!
A husband said to his wife, \"I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it .\"
The wife said to her husband, \"I will take a photo of your penisss and enlarge it.\"
Another Green joke,
some days ago , when I walked in the small street in Shenzhen city , a hot girl flattering her eyes to me said hi,baby ,are you free, come on , make me say Ah with your dick, OK?
And I said,no problem, I would fuck you bottoms up and make you feel like flying in the heaven!
three drunk friends made a bet whoever can make their wives scream the longest during sex win 1000.next day when they met.
first guy:I made love to my wife 2.5hours and she screaming for 1.5hours;
second guy:I licked my wife for 2hours and she was screaming whole time and even 1/2hour after I was done;
third guy:that’s nothing,I made love to my wife 10mins and I came twice,wipe my dick on the curtain and my wife still screming at me up to now!
Q:what is the strongest muscle?
A:the tongue—it can raise a woman’s hips.
Q:what is the lightest muscle?
A:the penis—it can be raised by a tongue.
A little kid says to his mother, \"Mommy, last night I saw you sitting on Daddy's belly and jumping up and down. Why were you doing that?\" She says \"Oh, uh, I was just trying to squeeze the air out of Daddy's belly.\" So the kid says, \"I don't know why, the neighbor lady's just gonna blow him up again tomorrow.\"
salesgirl:excuse me sir,you can not smoke here...
customer:but I bought this cigarettes from your store..
salesgirl:sir we also sell condoms,but it doesn’t mean you can fuck here.
This guy has a girl friend named Wendy who finally convinces him to tatoo her name on his penis... well when it's soft you can only see W Y .
One night they go out and he goes to the restroom. He sees a tall black guy standing at the urinal next to him and notices a \"W Y\" tattoo on his penis too.
He hesitates then asks the guy if his girlfriend's name is Wendy too. The guy replies \"No, why?\"
He explains that his girlfriend had him get \"Wendy\" tatooed on his penis and it too only shows W Y when it's soft. Then he asks the guy... so what's your tatoo say when it's hard anyway?
The guy replies \"Welcome to Jamaica, have a
nice day!\"
a new army captain inspected the soldiers in their barracks.he noticed a female horse.
Captain:what’s that horse for?
soldier ur men use her if they feel an urge to have sex.
Captain:ah,it is ok.
(One night,the captain feel an urge,so the soldier brought the hurse to his tent.the captain fucked the hurse.after that,he saw the soldier smiling outside his tent)
captain:its so hard!..how do you do it?
soldier:we ride on the horse to the next town where the girl are.
Captain:son-of-a-bitch!!!
Little John attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, John asked, \"Dad, why are you doing that?\"
His father replied, \"Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
John, looking worried, said, \"Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.\"
\\
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
有个女孩向神父告解她所犯的罪………
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
女孩 神父 我有罪
Preacher: What did you do, little girl?
神父 孩子 你犯了什麽罪呢？
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a \"son of a Bitch.\"
女孩 昨天 我骂了某个男人一句 「你这个狗娘养的 」
Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?
神父 为什麽？他对你做了什麽吗？
Girl: He touched my breast.
女孩 他……他摸我的胸部
Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)
神父 你是说像这样子吗？（神父伸手摸女孩的胸部）
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
女孩 （因为神父的举动而有一些害羞）嗯……是的
Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.
神父 只是这样子的话你没有理由骂他啊
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
女孩 但是……他又把我的衣服脱掉……
Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)
神父 你是说像这样子吗？（神父动手脱掉女孩的衣服）
Girl: Yes, that's what he did.
女孩 是的 是这样子没错
Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.
神父 可是这样子你还是没有理由骂他啊
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
女孩 然後……他把他的……那个……放到我的……那个……里面……
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)
神父 （奸笑貌）你是说像这样子吗？（神父和女孩就那个那个了）
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that's what he did...
女孩 （数分钟後）喔……是的……就是这样子………
Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a...
神父 我亲爱的孩子 就算是这样你还是没有理由骂他「你这个………」
Girl: But he had AIDS!!
女孩 但是他有 AIDS 呀!!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
神父 那个狗娘养的!!!
farmer bought a milking machine.tried it on his penis and had an orgasm but he can’t remove it.so he read the manual and fainted.it says:AUTO-RELEASE AFTER 1 LITER
what is a HYMEN?
answer:a sheet of flesh inside a woman’s vagina.its purpose is to greet entering penises….\"Hi men!\"..
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 22 ) was having
trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,
\"Boy what is your problem?\"
He answers, \"I'm too smart for the first-grade. My
sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she
is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!\"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took him to the principal's
office.While the boy waited in the outer office, the
teacher explained to the principal what the situation
was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the
boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and
behave. She agreed. The boy was brought in and the
conditions were explained to him and he agreed to
take the test.
Principal: \"What is 3 x 3?\"
Boy.: \"9\".
Principal: \"What is 6 x 6?\"
Boy.: \"36\".
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her,
\"I think he can go to third-grade.\"
Ms Neelam says to the principal, \"I have some of
my own questions. Can I ask him ?\" Both the principal
and the boy agree.
Ms Neelam asks, \"What does a cow have four of that I
have only two of?
Boy, after a moment : \"Legs.\"
Ms Neelam: \"What is in your pants that you have
but I do not have?\"
Boy: \" ockets.\"
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish
liquid?
Boy: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes
out soft and sticky? The principal's eyes open really
wide and before he could stop the answer, the boy was
taking charge.
Boy : Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman
does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The
principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer...
Boy : Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some\"Who am I sort of
questions, okay?
Boy : Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You
tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy : Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with
me when you're bored. The best man always has me
first.
Boy : Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not
well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy : Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I
come with a quiver.
Boy : Arrow
Ms Neelam:
What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that
means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy : Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends
in 'K' & if you dont get it you have to use your hand.
Boy : Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of;
it's longer on some men than on others, the pope
doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife
after they're married?
Boy : SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but
has muscles, has lots of veins, keeps pumping, & is
responsible for making love?
Boy : HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said
to the teacher \"Send this boy to University, I got the
last ten questions wrong myself!\"
penis says to his two balls,\"I will take you to a party tonight.\"
the two balls replied,\"you,bloody fucking liar,you always get inside and leave us outside\" |
|
/1 
IP卡
狗仔卡
发表于 2008-2-27 22:35:35
提升卡
置顶卡
沉默卡
喧嚣卡
变色卡
显身卡
发表于 2008-2-27 22:36:09
楼主